December 19, 2013

The last 2 KM

So after my adventure with the Fluvoxamine anti-depressants and talking to my psychiatrist I (we) decided to try something else. Something just for my anxiety called Pipamperon. Now you have to know I love watching The Walking Dead but actually turning into a zombie now that's a complete different story. It did exactly the opposite as the Fluvoxamine did. I do have to admit it helped with my anxiety but other than that it was horrible. I felt no joy any more. I couldn't even have a normal conversation with my parents! They said I had no facial expression. I couldn't sleep, constant head aches and I was trembling on the inside but looked numb on the outside. So freaky weird.

So for now... no more drugs.

I seriously was about to quit the last two Herceptin, that's how bad I felt. A dead battery; no energy left. But now that I quit those damn pills, okay I'm still nervous as hell... but I do feel better. I feel like myself again. I started painting in my art journal and I enjoy taking walks. Although I don't feel festive and I will be so happy when the Holidays are over... I think I need to finish this treatment even if it's a struggle.

I talked to my psychologist today. She said, "You're not going to quit 2 KM before the finish line right?"

So tomorrow is my birthday, I am turning 32. I am trying not to think about this year too much. I read somewhere, "Don't look back because you're not going into that direction", and it seems very fitting.

I think I will start my New Year in February instead of January. It will be something different for a change.

Happy Holidays to my dear readers! 
Some days there won't be a song in your heart...  SING ANYWAY!


  1. Happy Holidays to you and your family Ciel. Hope 2014 will turn out good for you. I'd be ok with skipping January, because that's when I turn 32 ;)

  2. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag <3 Hope you got a yummy cake :)

  3. Happy birthday! I have been thinking about you. I am glad you are pushing through your last two herceptin. Sorry to hear the meds you have tried haven't gone well for you. Hoping you have a good holiday! Keep hanging in there!

  4. Don't know how I missed this! Happy birthday and awesome picture. I hope you find some way to help curb that anxiety (and also lets you feel like yourself). By the by, Anne Marie of Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer shared one of your pieces online today and it had a great reception ~Catherine