Changing colour

So it's been a while, Hello October. In case you were wondering, I'm ignoring Breast Cancer Awareness month. Call it denial. Whatever. I am so done with that shit.

As for the running part... that didn't go as planned. Wow nothing does go as planned did you notice?! Better all let it go and see what happens... So I ended up with some serious knee ache and decided it was better to quit for now. I cried a lot because of the quitting part yes. Because I finally had found something that made me feel normal, and not like a patient. Something that felt so good... and wow my body could handle it. Guess not. So I am not giving up on this... but for now it's back to walking. Today I walked my first 5K. It was pretty good... the music, nature, just me, myself & I... at fast pace.

I'm still experimenting with the anti-depressants. I am now on 30 mg. Because after a few weeks things were back to normal (in other words: lots of crying). But I can't really say the 30 mg is making me feel a hell of a lot better. Don't get me wrong I have good days, but it's still a struggle sometimes. I know with anti-depressants you have to give it a few weeks.. so that's what I'm going to do... and I'm meeting with my psychiatrist in a week or so.

What else, what else? I saw my radiologist which brought back lots of bad memories. Radiation treatment. The dressing room, autumn, walking through that hallway with my upper body undressed. So I try to do what my psychologist says, I let myself think about it... for a while... let it flow. Then I tell myself, you are here now, no treatment whatsoever. You're okay. And then I try to move on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I suppose it takes practise, but I kinda think that is the way to approach these triggers.

Next week I will have my Zoladex injection. But it's the last one this year. 

I have been keeping myself pretty busy with penpalling, snail mail, mail art, mail swaps, etc, etc. I enjoy it a lot! I also have been working on Christmas postcards for my Etsy store, they are already available if you want to check them out!

I also had my second hair cut! It really is growing and my curls are sooo coming back! I also have a pair of new specs which I really love. I have started to buy some new autumn/winter clothes as well. Which feels good. Ah and I also gained some weight. Hallelujah!