March 7, 2015

I have a thing for lists

+ I had 5 sessions of the Mindfulness training so far and it has been good! I'm so glad I took the big jump and went for it. I love the meditations techniques, the way how it's actually a lifestyle. It changes your perspective, even though it's hard and it goes very slowly. But this is something that is close to my heart. Definitely. I can recommend it. Whether you've dealt with cancer or not, depression or anxiety or stress at work.. or simply feel the need to take a deep breath. Check it out!

+ I spent a couple of afternoons at my own place. Watching TV, drinking tea, a walking meditation through the neighbourhood, rearranging my livingroom. AND I even brought the bunnies with me twice! It was so cute and emotional and it brought back so many memories. I love these sweet fur babies. Hopping through the house, finding back their old favourite spots. Next step: spending a night in my own bed. My psychiatrist told me that I still have some mourning to do, but there's only one place where I can do this and that is my home. I guess that makes sense and all. So it is not going to be easy, but eventually things will get better and I hope to feel more confident about myself.

+ I am trying to get of the couch and set new goals. So I went to the Kröller-Müller Museum with my dad and saw work of Picasso, Monet and Van Gogh! I was nervous and tired... but I did it. I also went to this children's farm/petting zoo with my parents. Hey never too old for these things. I refuse to grow up especially when I hug a goat. It was wonderful! I love animals! We also went to this beautiful protected nature area for a windy walk and it was good. Fresh air!

+ Another thing that was really important to me was visiting my friend who had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was really looking forward to seeing her and her first daughter as well. So cute! So it was good talking to her and I had a lovely afternoon with lots of smiles. 

+ I also had one of my favourite little visitors coming over, my colleague's son. Who is just adorable and we played on the ground and had fun. 

+ I also celebrated Lola's 5th birthday. Can you believe it? Furbabies, they grow up so faaast! 

- The bad stuff. I'm still struggling with my anti-depressants. I am now using a mix of Citalopram and Mirtazapine and the side effects for the last four weeks have been awful. I did lots and lots of crying. I have been feeling like crap. Emotional, vulnerable, scared. I'm meeting with my psychiatrist next week so I'm hoping it either goes better by then and otherwise we have to talk about our next step. Perhaps I need to take a break from meds because I'm so tired. But this scares me as well, because I really could use some 'help' with the big steps in recovery I still have to take. We'll see, we'll see. 

+ I'd like to finish with something positive. At Mindfulness training we had to keep a list of positive things that happened during the day for a week. Because we often remember the bad stuff and neglect the good happy tiny pleasures in our life. I actually felt really good about this and decided to go on with it. I found a wonderful app called Gratitude356. Practising gratitude has been scientifically proven! You can check it out here if you're interested. Give it a try!


  1. Ik zie vooral plusjes :) :) Fijn dat de mindfulness je ding is!

    1. Bedankt voor je lieve berichtje! Ja zo probeer ik het ook maar te bekijken! Ik ga zo lekker aan je brief beginnen :)

  2. You are so brave Ciel! I am sure this is an inspiration to many who read it!