I'm still struggling and trying. Some days are better than others.
Just an anecdote for today.
Winter is over. Chemo is over. So I figured I would wear my wig more often but I still prefer my comfy hats. Of course now that it's spring... you start to notice the glances. I'm not really bothered by it, although if they do stare too long I have the tendency to stare back (=not the sweet face).
I was at a garden furniture store together with my parents when a girl dressed in pink and silver glitter came up to me. She must have been 10-12 or so. She told me she liked my hat. I smiled and thanked her. When I wanted to turn around, she asked me why I was wearing a hat and whether I was cold or not.
My chemo brain was a little shocked. What was I gonna say? Another couple was listening to our conversation. I was standing in the middle of a store. Am I really going to have 'this' conversation with a kid.
I decided to be honest and told her I have no hair underneath it. She nodded, as if she already knew. Then she popped the question which surprised me the most, "So you're doing that chemo thing?" Happy I didn't have to explain anything to her I said yes.
"So that means you have cancer right? What kind of cancer do you have?"
Right. I guess she got it right, so why lie about it. My turn. I asked her why she wanted to know all these things. She told me she brought food on behalf of the church to this woman with breast cancer. She started a somewhat confusing story about this woman. I think the whole thing definitely left an impression on her and she tried to tell me in her own words the things that stuck with her. She kept saying the woman would start chemo very soon and that she would get sick.
"Chemo is like little beams?"
Oh boy I had to think quickly here. I explained her chemo will go through an IV which they put in your hand and that you're usually sick for a week and then you will start to feel better again. "Right and then you'll lose your hair!" Yes exactly. I told her I shaved my head after two weeks. She told me that sometimes when they unraveled her dreadlocks she was afraid her hair would fall out as well. We actually talked some more about my hat collection and my wig.
So yes I was caught off guard in the middle of that store. But there's just something about the innocence of a child so pure, open and trusting... with no evil intention.