My first Herceptin definitely brought back some of those horrible chemo memories. I felt nauseated for a few days. Very tired as well, but I guess that's still from chemo. So Herceptin, like my nurse said, ain't no rose water... but chemo is like a billion times worse.
I still did a lot of crying the past week. Now that my little safe chemo circle fell down all of a sudden it's hard to interact and meet again with people. My aunt and uncle, my neighbour, people your family knows, random strangers. I'm still really struggling with that. But I'm trying.
Today I had to go to the hospital for my echocardiogram and this girl my age walked by and turned her head. I can't help myself but wonder what she was thinking. Did I scare her? Did she think I was dying, or perhaps did she find me to look pretty good and totally in fashion despite my cancer head/hat.
It's me versus the world. I don't know where I stand exactly yet, but I do know this whole thing has changed me. It will change me. People look at me differently. I wrote about this earlier that people can be really ignorant. If you don't know what to say, please say so. Especially right now that I'm having such a hard time... it's like living the nightmare over and over again describing my journey to other people.
I do want to share one story with you guys. My last Neulasta injection was given by a woman because mister Neulasta was sick at the time. She was just there for the injection. She sat beside me and started asking me all these questions. What kind of cancer I had, whether I still had my breast or not, how chemo was going. She asked if my hair was already growing back and almost ripped my hat off my head! I swear! To top it off, she asked me about my fertility! Yes! I could just kill here right there, right then. People can be so RUDE! I really didn't handle it well and I should have shut her up at the first question. But I'm learning. I'm learning because of you ignorant noisy b****.
On to the good news.. My ejection fraction was 62% this time. So I get to continue the Herceptin for now. To a steady heart muscle!
P.S. Yes this title refers to the Care Bears. Yes I bought three on Ebay!