February 10, 2014


So is this the last chapter where I am going to break my head over? The hormones estrogen and progesterone can stimulate the growth of some breast cancers. Hormone therapy is used to stop or slow the growth of these tumors.

In my case I was told to take the medicine Tamoxifen as a 5 year adjuvant treatment. I am seeing my oncologist Wednesday to talk about this.

Of course there's a catch here. The 1001 side effects... that come along with bringing a 32 old body in menopause. The risk of uterus cancer. The pressure that comes with taking medication like that, physically and mentally. Just to name a few things I am worrying about.

I also came to realize I am scared. Scared of taking another pill. I have been a 'patient' and sick for a year and a half and I'm done with it. I want my life back. I don't want to feel like a 80 year old. There's such thing as quality of life.

So I have read many stories on the internet (too many). Of course the ones where people succeed and actually take this pill for five years are few and whenever I read one it doesn't stick with me. No it's the bad ones that keep going through my head. The side effects. Because if anybody knows it's me, pills come with side effects. I am so tired. I don't know how much more of this shit I can handle.

Do I have enough energy left to get my hopes up once more?!

At some point enough is enough. 

So I have decisions to make. I made a list with all of my questions and will come prepared as always. I will talk to my oncologist and I trust him, I have faith in him. But in the end it will be my decision.


  1. I took Tamoxifen 2 years worth only hot flashes (but not menopause) as a side effect. I also know another woman our age who is tolerating it well. But the very nice thing is that if you try and are unhappy, there are other options. (Mnd you, it's all medication) Good luck with whatever you chose to do. ~Catherine

  2. Yes I really feel I have to try it and if it isn't working for me than I can quit. But then at least I can say I have tried everything and not feel guilty or anything. I am just scared of feeling like an 80 year woman and not getting my life back. But thank you for your message Catherine! It's good to hear some positive stories as well.

  3. I think of you, especially today because of your appointment with your oncologist. These are bizarre decisions to think about and weird side effects for someone at our age... Believe in yourself and hang in there!! Big hugs brave Ciel!!

  4. How did your appt go?! I have to say I am a lucky one on tamoxifen. It has been kind to me and in 2 years I have never had any major side effects to speak of. The reason I tell you this is because I feel like people only discuss the negative and bad side effects and it gets such a bad name. But really it's been good to me and I plan to take it for 10 years total. Good luck!!

    1. Thanks Anne, I do need to hear some positive stories and thank you for sharing yours. It gives me some hope! Thank you!

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