February 7, 2014

A letter

Dear Pain,

I don't know exactly where you are hiding, if you're inside my heart or my soul, but you're so strong and raw.

I don't exactly have a "happy place" to go to and I'm not running away from you either. I have tried numbing you with pills but I lost myself completely there.

I have tried taking deep breaths and letting my tears stream. Rivers I have cried. I am not suppressing you, I am staring you right in the face. Even though you're pretty fucking hard to accept. You make me so angry sometimes. But it is pointless I know.

You, Emotional Pain, also seem good friends with Physical Pain. Do you guys walk hand in hand?

So I don't like you, but I do acknowledge you and stay open for you. I will listen to you. Because I don't believe in escaping from you or pretend everything is fine.

But I have to admit, I am a little scared of you. What if you never leave? But then again, I read somewhere everything is temporarily. You hurt right now. You hurt like hell. It did hurt yesterday. It might not hurt tomorrow. So I have to have a little faith and be a little patient.

So Pain, this is the present moment and you're here and I can't change that. Let's have a cup of tea together and I will look you in the eye. 

With love,