It's a milestone

My very first official haircut!

It seemed worth a post after all the drama.

Broken wings need time to heal

Just another Monday. Two months post chemo.

I'm obsessed with hair. Or lack of it. I don't understand why some women have full heads of hair after 3/4 months post chemo and others (I'm talking about myself here) get the old bald man look with no hair on top. Okay so it's growing back, but it's scarce. This is just extremely frustrating. It makes me sad and angry and basically I hate everybody with pretty long curly hair right now. Sorry it's nothing personal.

I don't expect miracles. I just want that sexy pixie haircut and I promise I'll shut up. So hair... please grow grow grow!

Patience is just not my thing right now.

The next two weeks are going to be tough for me. Wednesday I have another echo coming up and if everything is okay I will have Herceptin 6/17 Friday. Not really looking forward to it, because last time I had quite a few side effects. Really have to keep my fingers crossed this time will be better.

Then Monday it's coming. My first mammogram after being diagnosed. Of course my breast knows this and I have been feeling all sorts of weird stuff lately. I am really nervous and oh so scared. So scared. Lots of scenarios went through my head. The bad ones. Then on top of everything I will also get a Dexa scan and a blood test. I will get the results the next day. I am thankful for getting these tests and my aches and pains will be taken seriously because I once had cancer. But oh boy I just know these things will never get easy. Always in the back of your mind... there's that little voice.

So I still cry my eyes out from time to time. I actually had some bad news about my job shoved into my face as well. As if dealing with breast cancer isn't enough. But there is nothing I can do about it right now. So I have decided not to worry about it.

So obviously there are ways to stir your soul. They don't always work, but sometimes they do. So I try. I keep trying. Sometimes this results in creative projects like keeping a little notebook with positive quotes. A colleague visiting with his son. Sending packages and being in contact with my breast friends. Unexpected gifts from sweet people. Or a bike ride all by myself for the first time after chemo. Maybe just feeling some sun beams on my pale teary-eyed face. You keep trying, if not today then tomorrow.



Most of you know that I took photos during chemotherapy. And it was one of the few things that kept me going. It resulted in something I now call the Chemo Chronicles. You can view the entire series on my portfolio website here. Or click the link in the menu on the right.

Et voilà!

I'm writing this from my own couch, watching my own TV. I'll be sleeping in my own bed tonight. I'm surrounded by my sweet furry bunnies who are hopping around the apartment. I decided to go home before radiation will start. I will start treatment next Tuesday. After radiation (21x), before chemo starts, we (= bunnies + me) will go back to my parents. From then on, we'll see how it goes. I've noticed it's better not to plan too far ahead. When you're having a good day, celebrate it. When you're having a bad day, accept it.

I have found my wig. It's short and curly. It's very me. When you take a look at the picture remember that I still have my own hair underneath there, so it'll fit better when I'm actually bald. Et voilà!

The sweet girl from the store told me that we had plenty of time left and that she could give me a hair cut that would match the wig. I always loved my long curls. They always have been my trademark sort of. But it wasn't a hard decision, I want to get used to the short length before starting chemo. I'm pretty happy with the result. It feels so light! Et voilà! Et voilà!

Enjoy your weekend everybody!