Brow report

Hello there, here is a special report on how my new brows look!

BEFORE

Excuse me for posting all these weird selfies... but this is what I looked like post chemo. It's been over 3 years since I finished that shit. Every hair on my body grew back... except for my eyebrows.

MY MAKE-UP SKILLS

So... I drew them on every single day. Even on those no make-up days because otherwise my face reminded me so much of all the harsh treatment. Such a naked face without brows. I tried powder and pencils.. and it did its job for a while. But I hated it so much, I never got the shape quite right. Lefty vs righty that type of stuff. So permanent make-up seemed like a wonderful option!

I found this amazing woman who does cosmetic and medical tattoos. She is especially involved with breast cancer patients and she also tattoos nipples and such. Please MAKE SURE you find the right person out there if you want to do this. There are many quack salvers out there. Ask for many pictures of this person's work, to see whether or not you like their style. Also check if they have helped people with alopecia and cancer before. For me it did not feel right to go to a normal beauty clinic because the thought behind it is very different. There's quite a difference between trying to make a brow prettier or having to tattoo an entire brow, shape, colour etc.

I scheduled my appointment to have my eyebrows tattooed with this special 3D micro blading technique. Apart from the radiation dots I have no other tattoos. So I was a bit nervous! It does not sound very lovely to get a tattoo in your face I think.

We agreed on colour and shape (yes they draw them on your face with a pencil and ruler) and I had to make a sad and happy face...

THE FIRST HOUR

The anaesthetic was not very pleasant. Like a million little needles punching you above your eyes. But the actual tattoo, well it was not as bad as a I thought it would be. The chair was very comfortable that helps. I think it took her like 30 minutes for each eyebrow. I took this picture right after and it felt a bit crazy with the white lines and all. But check out those hairs!

AFTER TREATMENT 

I took this one about and hour and a half later and the white lines had already disappeared by then.

 LOOKS LIKE PAINT

The days after that they became much darker and it felt a little like I painted them on with a big brush or something. I wasn't allowed to sweat (ha ha), not too much sunshine and they could not get wet for about ten days. Basically it felt like a a huge scratch in my face, but that only lasted for a day or two. 

ONE WEEK LATER

Then the treated area develops scabs and it is very important to look after them and take care of it with some shiny tattoo goo.. the most important thing is not to rub, pick or peel off your flakes or scabs (it was SOOO hard). Eventually pieces (that look like tiny hairs) will start to fall off. It starts to look a bit like a leopard pattern.

THREE WEEKS LATER

As you can see the tattooed area is changing a lot during the healing period. The entire healing process of my treated area will take something from 4 to 6 weeks. They will change colour (become lighter) and the hairs will become thinner. So my second treatment is scheduled in three weeks. And yes I'm really excited about that!

I'm very happy with the results even though they're not quite finished yet. I already feel like having brows again. I'm pleased with the shape and the colour, the finishing touch will make it even more natural and prettier. Tattoo lady also told me I do have a couple of my own hairs coming through, which make the brow look even more fuzzy and real.

Can't believe I just dedicated an entire post to eyebrows.

Kids say the darndest things

I'm still struggling and trying. Some days are better than others.

Just an anecdote for today.

Winter is over. Chemo is over. So I figured I would wear my wig more often but I still prefer my comfy hats. Of course now that it's spring... you start to notice the glances. I'm not really bothered by it, although if they do stare too long I have the tendency to stare back (=not the sweet face).

I was at a garden furniture store together with my parents when a girl dressed in pink and silver glitter came up to me. She must have been 10-12 or so. She told me she liked my hat. I smiled and thanked her. When I wanted to turn around, she asked me why I was wearing a hat and whether I was cold or not.

My chemo brain was a little shocked. What was I gonna say? Another couple was listening to our conversation. I was standing in the middle of a store. Am I really going to have 'this' conversation with a kid.

I decided to be honest and told her I have no hair underneath it. She nodded, as if she already knew. Then she popped the question which surprised me the most, "So you're doing that chemo thing?" Happy I didn't have to explain anything to her I said yes.

"So that means you have cancer right? What kind of cancer do you have?"

Right. I guess she got it right, so why lie about it. My turn. I asked her why she wanted to know all these things. She told me she brought food on behalf of the church to this woman with breast cancer. She started a somewhat confusing story about this woman. I think the whole thing definitely left an impression on her and she tried to tell me in her own words the things that stuck with her. She kept saying the woman would start chemo very soon and that she would get sick.

"Chemo is like little beams?"

Oh boy I had to think quickly here. I explained her chemo will go through an IV which they put in your hand and that you're usually sick for a week and then you will start to feel better again. "Right and then you'll lose your hair!" Yes exactly. I told her I shaved my head after two weeks. She told me that sometimes when they unraveled her dreadlocks she was afraid her hair would fall out as well. We actually talked some more about my hat collection and my wig.

So yes I was caught off guard in the middle of that store. But there's just something about the innocence of a child so pure, open and trusting... with no evil intention. 

Robo girl

You pick up the pieces and dust them off. First Taxol/Herceptin tomorrow. Only three left after this.

Stupid dumb breast cancer

I have met so many great women after being diagnosed with breast cancer. It's a horrible disease that brought us together. But you are all beautiful, amazing and inspiring to me!

Ann Marie is one of them. She sent me this t-shirt and is fighting stupid dumb breast cancer with so much energy and power! I deeply respect her! This is her facebook page and you can find her blog over here.

The one without the hair

After your first chemo you know you're going to have to deal with the hair loss. An hour after my chemo I pulled out a hair and showed it to my family to let them know it started. I'm crazy like that.

Last photo with real hair

I got very anxious this week. Because it usually happens between day 14-17. The waiting, the waiting. I just couldn't take it anymore and that's when I called the wig store. Thursday I dropped by and decided to pick up my wig and I also let them shave my head.

A big decision.

For me, it was the right one. Control freak that I am, I took matters into my own hands. Not having to deal with any of that waking-up-finding-hair-on-your-pillow stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I told my mother I would scream and cry while they would shave my head. So she came along with me very well prepared with handkerchiefs. Not knowing I brought my Hello Kitty tissues. Surprisingly we didn't need them at all.

The wig

Which is strange, because my hair used to be part of my identity. I was always known as the happy bubbly girl with a lot of curly hair. But I have known it now for four months. Three days after I was diagnosed with breast cancer I stood in front of the mirror with a scarf wrapped around my head to see what I would look like.

Of course it was hard and very emotional. The sound of the electric razor. The first moment it touches your head. You keep breathing, breathing. I actually felt sick afterwards. Not to mention the morning after and you see yourself in the bathroom mirror. But I'll probably get used to it. Just like with everything else. You simply deal with it, because you don't have any other choice. This is your life. Right now. And no matter how much it fucking sucks sometimes, it's good to know you still have some control over it.