November 24, 2012

The one without the hair

After your first chemo you know you're going to have to deal with the hair loss. An hour after my chemo I pulled out a hair and showed it to my family to let them know it started. I'm crazy like that.

Last photo with real hair
I got very anxious this week. Because it usually happens between day 14-17. The waiting, the waiting. I just couldn't take it anymore and that's when I called the wig store. Thursday I dropped by and decided to pick up my wig and I also let them shave my head.

A big decision.

For me, it was the right one. Control freak that I am, I took matters into my own hands. Not having to deal with any of that waking-up-finding-hair-on-your-pillow stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I told my mother I would scream and cry while they would shave my head. So she came along with me very well prepared with handkerchiefs. Not knowing I brought my Hello Kitty tissues. Surprisingly we didn't need them at all.

The wig
Which is strange, because my hair used to be part of my identity. I was always known as the happy bubbly girl with a lot of curly hair. But I have known it now for four months. Three days after I was diagnosed with breast cancer I stood in front of the mirror with a scarf wrapped around my head to see what I would look like.

Of course it was hard and very emotional. The sound of the electric razor. The first moment it touches your head. You keep breathing, breathing. I actually felt sick afterwards. Not to mention the morning after and you see yourself in the bathroom mirror. But I'll probably get used to it. Just like with everything else. You simply deal with it, because you don't have any other choice. This is your life. Right now. And no matter how much it fucking sucks sometimes, it's good to know you still have some control over it.


  1. Oh sweet sweet girl! I may not have lost my hair but I feel this blog post.I am so proud of you for taking control and beating the beast to the punch. You shine with or without hair. Is is bad enough stupid dumb breast cancer takes our boobs, our mind it has to take our hair. You are a badass for taking control of this step. I hope today finds you with some comfort <3

    1. Thank you Annmarie! I really am trying to be a bald bad ass! :P

  2. If you would have said "guess in which photo I'm wearing the wig" I wouldn't have known. It looks really good. I can't even start to imagine doing what you are doing. What a big step. Many hugs!

  3. You look amazing and I'm so proud of you for taking control! Here's to a brief bald stint and regrowing that beautiul hair soon!!!

    1. YES I can't wait for it to start growing back!

  4. Ciel your wig is awesome!! It looks very natural and real. Any chance of posting a bald shot soon? I picture you a stunning bald chick! :)

    It is true what you say about just dealing with what we have to... It may be all horrible and awful and hard but we suck it up and do it. And take control when we can. If we didn't have that then we'd probably be a lot worse off.

    You're kicking ass! big hugs my friend xo

  5. Your wig does look incredible, but I hear you. I'm 11 weeks into chemo and going bald was by far the worst part. I feel vain for saying it, but its true. The second I knew it was starting to fall out I made my husband shave it for me, I didn't want to deal with the slow, drawn-out process either. It was tough, but a bottle of champagne helped :) Stay strong!