December 9, 2012

Then it's December

I always get a little melancholic at the end of the year. With the Holidays, my birthday (December 20) coming up.. and of course another year has passed by. What do you say to someone who will continues treatment in 2013 and will be on this medical roller coaster for at least another year? Happy fucking new year?!

My second chemo was pretty much the same. Except I started to feel sick that same night. So Saturday and Sunday weren't much fun either and then Monday I hit rock bottom and reached my black hole. Four or five days later I slowly start to crawl out of it again.

I have to say, chemo is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's THE most darkest, loneliest, scariest, cold place you can imagine. I feel nauseous when looking at the Instagram pictures I took during chemo. I feel sick when I see an IV on TV. Even the thought of the smell of chemo pee brings me out in a rash.

So when I physically started to feel better, mentally I was in a different state of mind. Mind and body are so out of balance these days. I will get my next, third round of chemo the day after my 31st birthday and will be sick during the Holidays. All and all I'm having the feeling number three is going to be a tough one. But once that one is over.. I will only get one more AC in 2013 and I'm very VERY happy about that! I am so hoping the TH is going to be easier and with less side effects!

So yes I'm feeling a little bit better again and I'm just going to try and enjoy the next two weeks of Holiday cheer.


  1. Oh Ciel *HUGS* I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, especially during this time of the year. There's really nothing I can write to make you feel better, I wish I could. I'm having my next gyn appointment on the 21st and with your story in my head I have to say I'm a little scared. People tend to forget that this can happen pretty much at any age. Hope you feel better soon so that you can enjoy the weeks until your next treatment. You're in my thoughts a lot and again, *HUGS*

    1. Hi Tracy, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog! It really means a lot to me! Good luck with your appointment, don't let my story scare you... trust your instinct and listen to your body. Thanks again XX