Exactly one year ago I had my surgery, a lumpectomy. I try not to think about it too much. What's the point?!
I'm here now.
A long road it was and still is. I think that is the hardest part. The part that other people will never understand. That cancer is always on my mind these days. Finding distraction is so hard. After a year of treatment I feel like I have barely any strength/energy left. I still have to do six months of Herceptin. And it's Her-crap-tin.
There's so many small things, it's too much. Little things. A normal person wouldn't even bother to give it even one thought. But after a year on this crazy roller coaster I can cry over almost anything now. The Tamoxifen I haven't started and I'm so scared about the side effects. All the Herceptin I still have to do. Telling my story. Answering questions. It's hard to say it out loud, "I'm not doing so good right now." The side effects from chemo and radiation therapy. Confrontations. My hair which of course isn't growing as fast as I want to. Losing a nail. You name it. I cry about it.
So I have some news, I'm finally going to see a psych! I will have my first appointment on Monday. Really nervous. But then again, if you can name one thing I'm not nervous about these days I'll applaud you.
Also wanted to thank those that found my blog and emailed me. I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to respond personally but it's just so hard. Sometimes I just don't know what to say... but do know I appreciate every single email.