After I made the decision it was time for me to see a psychologist I had some visions of what that would be like. Yes most of them were influenced and inspired by TV and movies.
Big white offices. Interesting art. Gigantic comfortable sofas. Big tissue box on the table.
So I was a little surprised when I met my psychologist and she took me to this broom closet; big enough to fit a desk, two comfortable chairs and a small table. A boring framed beach photo. It was a little dark as well. No tissue box WTF?! But it is going to be my safe haven. The place where I can say anything, cry, scream and laugh without being judged.
That's exactly how it felt. She seemed nice, understanding, interested and at the same time she wasn't judging me. It was just our first meeting, but I didn't expect to tell her so much already. Basically we discussed what happened in my life after being diagnosed. WAY too much material to talk about when you have 50 minutes. But I think I gave her a pretty good sketch of my life right now, the girl I used to be and that I'm a little lost and sad right now.
I don't know what's gonna come from this. I don't expect miracles. But I'm hoping for some guidance, so I'll be able to finish my Herceptin. But I also think just talking to a stranger who doesn't know me at all... is a good thing. Because talking about it is so hard. Let's face it, we all have thoughts we don't share with anyone. So to be able to share them with someone without being judged must relieve some of the tension. Maybe, maybe she'll be able to help me a little bit more in the long run when I'm ready to pick up some of the pieces.We'll see how it goes.
Updated my hair diary.