August 19, 2013

The one with the shrink

After I made the decision it was time for me to see a psychologist I had some visions of what that would be like. Yes most of them were influenced and inspired by TV and movies.

Big white offices. Interesting art. Gigantic comfortable sofas. Big tissue box on the table.

So I was a little surprised when I met my psychologist and she took me to this broom closet; big enough to fit a desk, two comfortable chairs and a small table. A boring framed beach photo. It was a little dark as well. No tissue box WTF?! But it is going to be my safe haven. The place where I can say anything, cry, scream and laugh without being judged.

That's exactly how it felt. She seemed nice, understanding, interested and at the same time she wasn't judging me. It was just our first meeting, but I didn't expect to tell her so much already. Basically we discussed what happened in my life after being diagnosed. WAY too much material to talk about when you have 50 minutes. But I think I gave her a pretty good sketch of my life right now, the girl I used to be and that I'm a little lost and sad right now.

I don't know what's gonna come from this. I don't expect miracles. But I'm hoping for some guidance, so I'll be able to finish my Herceptin. But I also think just talking to a stranger who doesn't know me at all... is a good thing. Because talking about it is so hard. Let's face it, we all have thoughts we don't share with anyone. So to be able to share them with someone without being judged must relieve some of the tension. Maybe, maybe she'll be able to help me a little bit more in the long run when I'm ready to pick up some of the pieces.We'll see how it goes.

Updated my hair diary

10 comments:

  1. I have recently made the decision to talk to a therapist as well. It's scaring me. I'm happy to hear that your first session went well.
    You look beautiful with short hair by the way...:)

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    1. Yes it's scary opening yourself like that! But I think you'll find it helpful as well!

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    2. I hope so. I want you to know, your strength has given me strength, beautiful Ciel. Thank you for being open and honest about your trials.
      We all love you

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    3. That is really really kind of you! It makes me really happy that you found the strength to reach out as well. Let me know how it goes dear Lance!

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  2. You can be proud of yourself, step by step you will get there...!

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  3. Sounds like a good fit. I'm so glad you found a place/person without judgement with whom to share. :)

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    1. Me too! I really hope to benefit from this! Thanks!

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  4. Hey Ciel, this sounds good! It's nice that she's nice, interested and understanding. That's important, also if the room didn't seem that nice. When's your next appointment? Will you have her again next time or did she say you might go to someone else?

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    1. Will be seeing her again in two weeks. Really curious what that is like since this was just a first meeting after all.

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