I try

Did you know there is a direct relationship between the lack of estrogen after menopause and the development of osteoporosis? After menopause, bone resorption (breakdown) outpaces the building of new bone.

Although the results of my Dexa scan and blood works were okay. My onc gave me a call and told me he wants me to see a Osteoporosis nurse anyway. I think he wants me to be on Calcium and vitamin D supplements or something like that. He told me it's because I still have such a long road to go with the Tamoxifen and all. So it's all a precaution.

But for me it's another appointment at the hospital. Medications I have to take related to my cancer. I fucking hate it. I'm so tired. I have 4 hospital appointments scheduled in September, one at work... and this Friday it's Herceptin nummero 10/17.

Waking up in the morning is the worst. I have never been a morning person... but there are times I don't know how I'm going to cope with everything. I try. Man I try. To be positive. The stuff I tell myself... but it just doesn't always work. You're just happy to make it through another day. 

I still get so sad sometimes. About everything. But also about the lack of understanding from other people, especially when they're close to you. Words that can hurt so much. I tell myself they haven't walked in my shoes, so they don't know. They can't possibly know.

I did visit work again, which was good. It still feels weird and uncomfortable being there. But it's important for me as well. To interact with my colleagues. I get so overwhelmed though, when I'm in a room and all of a sudden six people show up and they all want to know how I'm feeling.

Of course there's lots of comments about the hair. There are days I love my hair, I love every single hair on my head. But when I look in the mirror I'm also reminded of the story and the pain behind it.