May 1, 2014

Hello May

Hello May. I want you to be a good month. I want sunshine and baby ducklings! Bunny hugs and bare feet! I want ice cream and well most important... I want to feel good.

Being sick for two weeks brought back a lot of the bad stuff. Almost as if they waited till I was down and then started kicking me one last time! Lots of chemo memories. Other stuff. I just want to forget it. Move on.

I had another Zoladex injection and fuck, I hate it so much. This one has got to keep me going for three months though. But seriously, I have been through a lot. Pin cushion that's me. But this Zoladex injection, even with local anaesthesia it is one tough son of a bitch. Egh!

I met with a colleague yesterday. We talked outside on a bench at the river side. It was nice. I still get upset so easily and I am tired so quickly. Sometimes this blue blanket of sadness just comes over me in the middle of the day. It could be something a stranger says, or something I read, something on TV. Last week I woke up and I was all of a sudden sitting in a hospital bed, bald. The image was so vivid. Almost real.

But I don't know, I just want to enjoy life again. Even if it is just the small things. I also have some exciting news coming up (photography-wise) and that is why I want May to be a good month. Are you with me?


  1. Happy May Ciel, I hope it's a very good month for you with lots of sunshine :)

  2. I'm with you, little sis. May starts my sobriety, and I am hoping that things become more and more clear as life continues.
    Sending large quantities of love towards your side of the world <3