Closed chapter

Monday at exactly 12 a.m. I had to inject myself with HCG. I was expecting it to hurt, but it was pretty much like all the other injections. Wednesday, 36 hours later, the egg retrieval took place.

My favourite nurse saw my name on the list and changed her schedule to be there with me. Seriously how sweet is that? I was very nervous and it was just so nice to have her there and talk to me.

I was given the pain medication through an IV and it made me feel al warm and dizzy and that's when they started. It wasn't that bad actually. Of course it's uncomfortable and all. But nothing I could not handle.

I was told earlier this week that one of the four eggs probably wasn't big enough. So then there were three. They did actually took away all four of them and it was over in a few minutes. My favourite nurse helped me get dressed and took me to a room where I could rest for a bit. Soon I would be told how many eggs were fit for freezing.

I was hoping for three, but very soon I was told there were only two. So then there were two. Now you have to know the human egg is the largest cell in the human body. It contains huge amounts of water and its outer layer is fairly water-resistant. So very often problems occur during freezing. Today I received the final phone call that only one egg made it into the freezer. So then there was only one left. I hope it won't be too lonely.

I'm not even sure what to think about this whole thing any more. Was it a disappointment? Yes. Am I glad I did it anyway? Yes. Am I willing to give it another try? No.

Don't get me wrong, the whole IVF traject is worth doing. It offers hope for the future and peace of mind. But when the outcome is disappointing as in my case, I just don't think I can go through something like this again. From now on my health is going to be priority number one. I want to get better. I need to clear my head and not be bothered by all the hormones. I want to beat this fucking cancer.

So far my experience with IVF. Been there. Done that. Chapter is now closed.

As my dad put it, "This could be the golden egg."