The last few days were very hard for me. I feel as if I have so little control over my life and well it just hit me how much I miss my old life. I am being ripped away from my everyday life. Julie compared our journey to a road trip. Her comparison seemed so spot on! With each treatment they will give you time to recover before the next. But in fact it's nothing more than a short break to pee. You gotta get back into the car until the next rest stop. You stretch your legs and use the bathroom, maybe you will feel a little better. Then after a while, you start to feel trapped in your car. You start to panic about everything. Oh my god where is that next rest stop?! Then I haven't even mentioned our destination yet: live a long and healthy life. But wherever we go next... we will carry this road trip with us in a large bag pack and it will hang heavy on our shoulders.
After I found out I had breast cancer I knew right away I was going to get bald. It was only a few days later when I stood in front of my mirror with a scarf wrapped around my head to see what I would look like. My first instinct was to go with a wig. But after talking to the nurses and reading more about it online I figured it would be more comfy to wear a scarf. Then I met several people online rocking the wig and decided to change my opinion once more. I mean, why not try it all?
So today was my first appointment at a store specialised in wigs. It was weird. WEIRD. Trying them on, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry. The girl helping me was very sweet but at some point I looked like Anita Meijer. The plan is to go medium short and curly (my hair is now long and curly). The wigs they had were way too blond for me. Blond is not my colour. (It was obviously Marilyn Monroe's thing. I took the photo above in January this year for a movie star theme. I bought the wig on Ebay for 7 euro). So I'm thinking more brownish, warm, mocca, chestnut. But hey there was at least one that I sort of liked. So they are going to order it in several colours. They will also order a few more so I get to do another wig party. When I pick one out, they are going to cut my hair similar to the wig to prepare me for chemo. Yup nobody said it was easy.