March 27, 2013


The question is... how much more can a person handle?

So I've done three out of four Taxol/Herceptin treatments. I need to do one more. Then the Herceptin will continue for the rest of the year. Although Herceptin is no chemotherapy. This drug has some serious side effects I found out today.

Okay I actually knew all the details before starting treatment. But going in for my first echocardiogram and ECG today, I was totally convinced everything would be fine.

Herceptin treatment can result in heart problems, including those without symptoms such as reduced heart function. It was a weird appointment. Not sure what to think of my cardiologist. Apparently my heart muscle is only doing its job for 53% (it should be between 50-70%). So that's really on the low side and with all the treatment I have left this is a serious issue.

I don't understand why they didn't do an echocardiogram before I started chemo (they assume you're young and healthy and perhaps it costs too much money?). Because now I have nothing to compare my current numbers with. Are these numbers really that low because of three times Herceptin? Or do my first four AC chemo's have something to do with it as well?

My cardiologist is going to contact my oncologist and then we'll have to discuss what is going to happen next. He also told me he wants another echo in a month (instead of every three months).

So I went home crying. Upset. Overwhelmed. Totally unexpected. But I'm also scared to shit. This is my heart we're talking about. My tumor is gone so I need it. Again there is something going on inside my body and I didn't even know it. Last but not least I'm pissed. I'm so god damn angry. Because I don't understand why it keeps raining over here.

I'll have some Lorazepam now, yes thank you.


  1. *hugs* I'm sorry, dear. I'll be lighting a candle for you. I'm good pals with the Guy upstais, I'll ask for a couple favors. :)

  2. So sorry it's bang-head-against-wall frustrating and difficult. I'm hoping for you it's a temporary result of the chemo, and your next scan gives better results. In the meanwhile, cry out that anger . . . and maybe eat some chocolate too? ~Catherine

    1. I had two delicous and pretty looking chocolates today! Thanks for your support Catherine!

  3. :( I can imagine you're quite upset. It's good that you have another echo in a month already. Are you having it before or after your last chemo?

    Good that you had two chocolates today and I hope they made you feel better a bit - at least for the "moment" whilst biting into and chewing them :) MMmmmmm

    1. Yes and I'm feeling a pizza day coming up as well!

  4. Met een brok in mijn keel en een gevoel van herkenning lees ik je updates... Kan me voorstellen dat je boos, verdrietig en gefrustreerd bent. Machteloos... Bewonder je kracht en hoe je je staande houd in deze heftige tijd.

    Hoop dat de donkere wolk nu gauw wegtrekt en je de warmte en het licht van de zon weer ziet!!
    Hang in there girl!! <3 Liefs