March 1, 2013

Two left

It's officially March! Can you believe it?! I have one more chemo in March - and one more chemo in April.

So how did the last one go? Well it was definitely not as bad as the previous one. So no puking in the parking garage or sleepovers at the hospital. Good.

It was no walk in the park either. I was so happy though, that I finally had a private room this time. It really helped me control my nerves. My parents were both with me. We were even finished an hour earlier than I expected.

The next day mister Neulasta dropped by (yes I have my personal hot 'shot' now) and gave me my first injection. He was actually surprised I made it so far without any of these miracle injections.

I experienced a full week of extreme fatigue, some uncontrollable sobbing, bloody noses, muscle and bone pain. My eyelashes and eyebrows are pretty much leaving me. I still have those damn mouth sores. But it looks like with a little extra Neulasta support, my natural defences pulled through and we made it. 

Support Your Natural Defenses

It feels really weird knowing I have two chemo's left. I will be so happy and relieved. I can't wait for my hair to grow back. Oh man and home sweet home. I want to feel great and healthy. I am longing for sunshine. I want to go out and be happy again.

But I'm also very very scared. How am I going to cope with everything, things can never go back to normal. I will never be the same person. Without chemo will my body be okay? The thought of going back to work makes me nausea.

I know I just have to take it easy. After all I still have to do Herceptin every three weeks for the rest of the year. Of course there will be lots and lots of appointments scheduled at the hospital. It's not like they're leaving me to my own devices.

Lots of hand-holding before I'm ready to step back into the world. I just have to take my time. Sometimes you take three steps forward, one step back, no step the next day, and then a side step before making forward progress again. I will probably find back pieces of my old self. I just have to use them and paint (or shoot) a new picture with new colours.

Struggle To Reach The Light


  1. I'll hold your hand, sweetie, just reach yours out....

  2. I'm always a little worried when you don't blog for so long but also don't want to always bother you and ask how you are because I think you'll have your reasons. I'm glad to hear that the second time went better. Your week sounds like a tough one though with all those side-effects :(

    1. Yes it was a loooong week but I get to talk about it with my oncologist this week. See what he says...

  3. Ciel I am so glad it wasnt as bad last round. Still not a walk in the park though, I know.

    We are so similar in the way that we are always looking ahead... I was like that doing chemo as well... longing for summer and worrying so much about what after treatment would bring... but also being hopeful for better times too.

    For now I am just happy that those injections are helping you out and that you are in good company (bunnies and your family)

    Hang in there girl! And message/email whenever if you need to rant/vent/whine/bitch whatever you need!


    1. Yes you are definitely my sister from another mister ;) Will write you soon! XX